Note: this is an old diary entry. I remember writing this in the morning, feeling genuinely terrified about the unknown future. Now that the dawn has finally came, I decide to share my journey to you.
My life is screwed. Or I should say, I screwed my life.
I have no one to blame.
I’ve abandoned everything secure and comfortable in my life. And it scares me like hell. Although I look careless and calm. Although I act reckless like it’s not a big deal. I’m scared like hell!
I’m afraid I’m ruining my life and let down the people I love.
I have to pay 40 mios IDR penalty to Astra. I’m going to leave a company that pays me 10 mios per month for an unknown startup that pays me 4 mios/mo.
I have to pay 20 mios for the cancelled wedding. So it’s 60 mios in total. The price of this lesson is 60 mios, more expensive than my undergrad tuition fee.
Talking bout learn it the hard way, huh?
But so what?
I only lost my money. I used to start without any money either; I joined Astra with zero in my bank account because I used the money to travel around Europe. Now I can live with zero saving too, can’t I?
And I paid the 60 mios for what? To buy my freedom. To buy my time. To buy my space to purse my dream. Worth it? Hell yeah, I’m even willing to pay 100 mios for that! (I want to say a bigger number, but obviously I don’t have the money lol.)
Now, I give myself 2 years timeframe. In two years, I have to earn minimum as much as I would earn if I stayed at Astra. That would be around… 300 mios? Damnit. That’s a lot!
But that’s my promise.
The limit is when I’m 26, the magic 26.